


Spider-Man: A Divided Heart

by nekuity



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gwen Stacy is Dead, Heavy Angst, Minor Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26244559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekuity/pseuds/nekuity
Summary: When the love of his life dies, Peter Parker doesn't know what to do with himself. He blames himself for her death from the get-go, and months afterward, he seems to become an entirely different person. Delving himself into schoolwork, and stopping crime as his alter ego so much so, that it starts to worry his friends. However, it seems like Peter just can't catch a break, with his Aunt May slowly but steadily losing her health, his apartment's rent skyrocketing to a bone-crushing price, and the death of his soon-to-be wife, Peter has just about had it with life. The thing that nearly pushes him to his breaking point, however, is not any one of his troubles, but a secret long held by his family members. And with the resurgence of it, he not only feels overwhelmed, he feels betrayed . . . and there's simply nothing he can do about it.------------------------------------------------A/NIn this, Peter is just about to graduate College, so it's a bit farther in the time-line than it was in cannon, so I just thought I'd let you all know that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this book! It's my first Spider-Man fan fiction, and I would really appreciate feedback on how I'm doing on it. Thanks!
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Gwen Stacy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**© Copyright & Disclaimer**

© This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

[Spider-Man: A Divided Heart]

nekuity [neko-equity]

Copyright © 2019-202*

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights.

All characters belong to Marvel, Sony, Stan Lee, Steve Dicto, and any other associated people or companies, businesses, locales, Disney, etc. I only own the plotline and some original characters not seen in Marvel Comics or the Cinematic Universe, completely of my own design.

Please enjoy the book "Spider-Man: A Divided Heart" by author "nekuity" and thank you for selecting it as your story of choice. Have fun reading, and, as always, stay inquisitive.

I.S. Saul


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an angsty chapter, so this is your official *Trigger Warning*. Basically, stuff happens, and Peter blames himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst rating: 8/10  
> So, I hope you like this chapter, there are many more to come in the future. If you don't want to wait for me to post on this platform, I can be found on Wattpad as well, under the same username [@nekuity] I have listed here. I'd really appreciate your thoughts and comments on the characters so far and if I'm doing justice, and basically, every chapter will be given a trigger warning because of dark topics and such. So, at the beginning of each chapter, I will be posting a rating, as I did on this one, from 0-to-10 [0=fluff and heartwarming-ness that will make you want to melt] and {10=you'll want to crawl in a hole and die because I did something tragic to a favorite character (aka Peter Parker), or something like death of a major character}. So, again, I'd really appreciate your feedback and such and would love if you could check me out on Wattpad! I'll only be posting any fanfictions I write on Ao3, so any of my completely original works will have to be found there. Thank you again for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

_**I FELT HER**_ slowly go limp in my arms. Her body slowly decreasing in temperature, and her grip slackening its hold on me--a silent plea, _begging_ me to _save_ her. She died, right in my arms. I didn't get there in time. I was too slow, and now, the love of my life was dead. And it's my fault. It's _all_ my fault.

The tears prickled behind my eyes, slowly making their way down my face--making their way to freedom. I thought of all the time we were supposed to have together, what we were supposed to do once we had graduated. I couldn't shake the feeling that she dies solely because of me. _'If only I had been quicker . . . If only I had listened to Captain Stacy . . . If only I was_ better _. . .'_ The thoughts swirled through my mind--reminding me of all I had done; all I had taken from this world; how _selfish_ I am.

I ripped my mask away from my now tear-stained face. I didn't deserve to cry. I had _murdered_ her. I was the reason she was dead. It was all my fault. I hadn't noticed I was screaming until lights shone from outside the clock tower, voices following soon after them. I knew I had to leave--knew I had to get away from her body before my identity was revealed. But . . . what was the use of keeping my identity a secret to protect the people I love . . . if they kept dying because of that identity?

I almost stayed for the police to arrest me, but my Spidey senses were screaming, and that was all it took for my recreant self to bolt from the scene of the crime. The scene where Gwen Stacy, the woman I was supposed to marry in exactly one month, was taken from me. By none other than Peter Parker himself. None other . . . than Spider-Man. None other . . . than me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the writer wishing you a happy, self-caring day after I just crushed your souls with 339 words [not including this A/N]. I hope you're all eating well, getting your daily intake of sunshine [even if you live in the darkness and are a vampire like myself] and that you are simply taking care of yourself. Anyhow, should you ever want to chat [or spread your undying love for any of my works] you can message me either on Instagram @nekuity, on Wattpad, under the same name, or at my email i.s.saul0fficial@gmail.com.
> 
> On a last note, a song lyric, "Take my hand and we'll make it I swear" - Journey
> 
> Chow!
> 
> -I.S. Saul


	3. Chapter I: Her Special Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is grieving. Angst rating: 4/10

**_I STOOD AT_** the front of the altar, clad in the fancy black suit that took me a full year of savings to buy. My eyes wandered around the grand interior of the church--the exact one Gwen and I were to be married in; today. I twisted the golden band around my finger, its surface glinting in the sunlight that filtered in through the giant stain-glass windows of the church. The rays of light illuminated the deserted building, bathing its interior in angelic beams.

My head slowly drooped down; enough to where I was staring, blankly, at the black dress shoes that I wore. I didn't deserve this. I was just fooling myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, she would still be here--that we could still say our vows. The vows that I had been reciting in my head for the past hour; the ones that took me a full month to learn--another two for me to be able to say confidently. The ones that took me forever to write, because there was so much to say--and _so little time_ to say it.

I hung my head even lower when the realization sunk even deeper into my heart, like a silver dagger being twisted further into the organ that I so desperately needed to survive; the one that was now missing its other half. _I_ was missing my other half, and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could do to bring her back, nothing I could do to save her, and nothing I could do to stop loving her, no matter how much I tried to forget. I would love her with all of my heart until the day I died, and _nothing_ could break that promise. I owed her at least that much.

I made my way into the aisle that sat prettily between the rows upon rows of stark wooden benches. My feet forced me into one of those haunting rows, filled with lightly varnished pews, carrying me to the very edge of oblivion--until my weak knees gave out on themselves and I was falling to the carpeted floor. I could still hear her final gasp--her final breath that carried my name along with it--the one that pleaded with me to help her--to _save_ her. The sound of it rang in my ears. It rang in the church, bouncing off the walls and high ceiling, in what _should_ have been a deafening silence.

My tears flowed freely in a cascading waterfall from their prison behind my eyes. I sunk down to the floor even further, utterly destroyed over what I had done to Gwen. I had stolen from her, her perfect day. Robbed her of the day that she had said sat in her mind like a dream floating among the clouds. The day we had both dreamt full of chatter; the organ playing in the background as she walked down the aisle in her beautiful white dress. We both would have smiled at each other, nervously at first, and soon just a pure, full-of-love sort of thing that neither of us could contain in just our hearts--that we _had_ to show to the world.

I sat there in the angelic light, between the back of one wooden bench and in front of another. My ears still ringing with that gasp, my eyes blotchy from crying over something that I shouldn't; something I had _no right_ to cry over. The clacking of heels didn't break me from my reverie--nor did the sound of more footsteps after it. I was too deep into the world that would have been Gwen and I's wedding to process whose voices filled the church; or that there were even voices, to begin with.

"This would be the perfect place to hold the ceremony, Pepper!" The slightly exhausted sound, as if the same phrase had been repeated multiple times before, didn't even phase me.

"Are you sure, Tony? I mean, we're not having that big of a wedding . . . and I would prefer it if we didn't invite _everyone_ on-"

"It'll all be fiiine, Pep. There's nothing you need to worry about . . . I've got it all handled. And so do they."

"That's what I'm worried about," I hear the woman whisper.

From what I could hear, the woman and the man had a peaceful, culpable-capricious type of relationship--and in some ways, it reminded me that much more of Gwen. It reminded me of the reason why she had died; why she had been in the clock tower in the first place. All she wanted to do was help, she wanted to do something from the goodness of her heart--and she was murdered for it. _I_ murdered her for it.

The voices continued to get closer; until they abruptly stopped altogether. I looked up from my slumped position in between the benches, staring straight into the faces of each and every single one of the Avengers. I hung my head once more, standing from my lowered stance on the floor when one of them cleared their throat. All eyes stayed trained on me, however, not a single glance towards the back of their band of heroes.

"Sir? Um . . . " the person cut themselves off, turning to speak to one of their comrades in a hushed whisper. "I thought the person said the church was empty? What is this guy doing here?" It was the Captain, I realized, when I finally raised my head.

I mumbled under my breath, hoping none of them had heard me. "Yeah, and I thought I had rented the entire place out for today." Much to my grief, one of them spoke up. Romanov, I believe it was.

"We were told the church was empty. Not that someone was renting it out. Speaking of, why _are_ you renting out a church? Much less, one as expensive as this." ' _Yeah, and you would know, wouldn't you?_ '

"Today is my wedding." The words came out soft and delicate, loving to the bystander; broken and unworthy to the trained ear.

"Oh man . . . I'm sorry, but, I think you were stood up." The man who spoke, Tony Stark, was promptly smacked in the arm by the strawberry blonde beside him, with a fierce, but hushed, "Tony!" coming from her mouth.

"No . . . " I trailed off, fearing the nightmares that haunted me even when I was conscious . . . fearing that if I told them, the plaguing dreams would come back stronger . . . with a more weighted vengeance to reap upon my soul. "It's just not happening anymore." I looked up at the Avengers with a warm smile on my face, muttering my next words so lowly, that even _I_ could barely hear them. "I just wanted to pay homage to her . . . That's all."

They seemed confused by my statement, curiously glancing over me as I made to dust off my pants when I went to face them. "I'll be leaving now. I suspect you all have some very important planning to carry on with, so I'll be getting out of your hair."

The first to snap from their stupor was none other than the Captain himself. "Wait!" I turned around to face him. I didn't know how much longer I could keep up this facade . . . this _mask_ of pretending to be happy. "Shouldn't we be the ones to leave? I mean, we did just barge in on you . . . and uh-"

I held up my hand, my smile seeming to break my face. _Gosh_ , I hadn't smiled this hard in so long. "No, no. I have to be somewhere anyways. A train to catch, if you will. I probably would have stayed here all day if I had gone uninterrupted, so thank you for that. I best be on my way, Avengers. Maybe we'll meet again."

I turned once more, fleeing from the disaster that was so close to becoming reality. And as I left them there, bathing in the light of the open church doors, an angel seemed to descend upon me. One with stunning blonde hair, and crystal blue eyes. An angel that caressed my soft-spoken tears away, and faded back in a splash of gold before I even realized she was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the author of this fanfiction laughing evilly because I have very angst-heavy topics to destroy your souls coming up? Very possible. Am I going to write fluffy, heart-warming content so that I don't completely shatter you? You'll just have to find out. Also, I like to interact with you readers! So, if you want to ask any questions, the comment section is just down below! [As long as they're not *Spoiler Questions* which I will have deleted or just simply not answer].
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you're eating well, getting your daily intake of exercise and sunshine [even if you live in the darkness and are a vampire like myself], and just simply taking care of yourself. If you ever need to contact me for support [I can't offer too much, I'm not a trained professional in anything, so I can't give you the help you may need, I can only support you] my email is here: i.s.saul0fficial@gmail.com; and my Instagram is @nekuity should you want to chat somewhere that isn't on Wattpad. 
> 
> On a last note, a song lyric "____ Let me love you, Until you learn to love yourself" - Ne-Yo.
> 
> Chow! 
> 
> I.S. Saul


End file.
